Shopping for one's bedding
(written 14 December 2005)

There is nothing more divisive, I think, than mitigating between personal tastes. I have of late been shopping for a comforter (or, if I get very lucky, a comforter "set"). The problem with this search lies in the choices one is presented for one's bedding adornment. I'd say the available choices range from sucky" (seersucker, eyelet) to "extremely sucky" (toile, sateen) to "deadly sucky" (jacquard, themed bedding - shudder). Ok, you might be saying that my judgmental nature has kicked in because of the expected anxiety associated with a change in bedding, and you may well be right. Any new bedding purchase may well necessitate a change in my whole bedroom/dining room color scheme. Right now, I am maintaining the duvet-with-changing-duvet-covers (navy blue, sage, and plum colors) option, but I am seriously considering a major change.

First, my present duvet must go. It sustained a small cat-induced rip when I got it and occasionally sends out tiny feathers like little allergy emmisaries to remind me that the sovereign nation of Duvet still exists. Part of me wants to do away with the duvet option all together. I really hate having to launder and change the covers, it's really not warm enough, and I'm finally willing to come to terms with the fact that I'm not Norwegian. On the other hand, from the looks of things, anyone who is Anyone is still hanging tight with the duvet (Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, DKNY). Enough with this, though - let's talk "style." What is my personal style? Right now, it's solids, but I secretly lust after patterns, nice ones. To my own chagrin, my bedroom style is skewing a bit adolescent, though. My first choice for bedding was called "Maui" which is a pattern which doesn't exist in anything other than the "twin" size. This means that those who enjoy this pattern aren't likely to be "getting busy" on top of or under it. Not acceptible.

On an in-person visit to K-Mart (chilling, I know), I found a rather staid browny, red-dy, peachy paisley set (which I can't seem to find online - your loss). I think I was a bit partial to this pattern because it would match the Indian hanging splitting my "bedroom" off from the living room, and it would fit in nicely with my peach-colored accent wall. Not a good reason to buy something so boring, I know, but I'm a sucker for paisley anything.

After a bit more online searching, I found the groovy Colormate Casual Oregon Dye Patch comforter set. (The link for it expired, but it looked an awful lot like this picture of the Nautica "Cambridge" set.) This pattern looks great at a distance, but, up close, it seems like some frat boy/fishing buddy bisexual camping outing commemorative love comforter. I mean, it's flamboyant in a Brokeback Mountain "I'm not gay, am I?" kind of way. My question then is - if I get this comforter, am I going to risk plunging potential amours into the sea of haunting memories about lost (potentially male) lovers while trying to sustain my own passions? I think my only solution to this is a friend-wide poll to test these comforters' lovin' quotients. If you are a guy who is not related to me, please look at this comforter and ask yourself - would I be willing to have sex with someone on this bedding (please bear in mind that I shouldn't have anything to do with this visualization)? Oh - and thanks! Now, some bedding "awards":


The "who's on crack cocaine?" award goes to
Tommy Hilfinger for "Trina"


The "if this is wrong, who wants to be right?" award goes to Ralph Lauren for "Putney" (sorry, the link for this winner expired).

Finally, the "I would never buy this but I would date and marry the individual who did" award goes to the Havana1515 designers for "Vizcaya"

In conclusion, I'm still not satisfied with the comforters I've seen (not very "comforting" - eh? eh?!?). I have learned something, though. So many of us bemoan the state of society, citing either unqualified and inconsiderate political leaders, lack of compassion, or the media in ruining our mythic sense of a lost and formerly perfect world. What we may have been ignoring, though, are the decorative ramifications of these political and psychic tensions. What kind of world, I would ask, we are living in when I am forced to conclude that Ty Pennington and the good people at Joe Boxer are the only sane designers/design teams producing sub-par but affordable bedding (much less bedding I can actually look at)? And did people ever really enjoy their bedding purchases, or is that just another myth of idyllic consumerist satisfaction? Odds are, as I continue to mull over these disturbing realities, the only thing I am assured of is missing a good nights' sleep.