Potentially offensive observation (Ye be warned!)
(written 12 January 2006)

My potentially offensive observation comes courtesy of Dave Barry, my elation at a first week almost over, and, quite possibly, a bizarre dream I had last night. So, I was undressing to take my shower this morning. I'm having my period right now, and, as I looked down at my undies, I immediately thought "OOO! Idaho!" Seriously, folks, I must be some kind of body artist or something because I'd created an uncannily good replica. This got me to wondering about people who see religious symbols in odd places, like a tree trunk or a slice of bread or in a water-seepage stain. What if I inadvertently end up with the Virgin Mary or one of the saints, you know, in the nether area some day? Will this be a "media worthy" event, or something I should just keep to myself? Or, what if God is already trying to communicate with me and is saying something specific about the state of Idaho? Here's my short list of guesses:

5. My Own Private Idaho was pretty good, huh? I told Gus Van Sant to write and direct it. It's a "least of these" thing.

4. It's been awhile since you've had a potato. A potato every now and then isn't going to hurt anyone.

3. You should watch Napolean Dynamite again. I didn't specifically greenlight that one, but I was pleasantly surprised.

"What are you going to do today, God?"
"Anything I want. [Me!]"

2. Come to think of it, why don't you write a movie set in Idaho? What did I give you all that talent for (refer to scriptural "talent" reference, yo)?

1. I have some bad news: you're going to have to move to Idaho for a tenure-track position. You kept praying "not Kansas," and this is the best I can do. Bring a coat, though; since I've warned you, I'm not taking prayers about weather modification.