Twelve Days of Christmas (#10)
Men in Short-Shorts: My Dream Realized!

During this past New York fashion week, the writers over at New York Magazine followed some of the newest offerings with a "Three's a Trend" column. Apparently, any time three different designers came up with the same look, it meant that our fashion lexicon was a'changin'. Bless the fashion gods, one of these trends answered a most fevered dream of mine: short-shorts for men. Many of you know my take on the state of dress, or un-dress, in America. I maintain that there's no problem with women wearing skimpy clothes as long as men start taking it off or cutting back on the fabric as well. Swanky designers: bring on the short-shorts... Now, I'm 78% sure this picture deserves a Christmas carol of its own. Wow. Indeed, visiting Christmas past, we see that the manly short-short has given us many priceless gifts over the years. You know, like Magnum P.I. Kickin' it on the beach old-school, Magnum also rocked the dude-perm and a massive mustache, neither of which I dream about. In a good way, I mean. We also need to give mad props to John Stockton, lone basketball short-short holdout. What's with those long shorts in basketball? Do we make women's volleyball players wear nun habits? Ok, then. More recently, we've been blessed with Officer Dangle of Reno 911. Though he's mocking the short-short, at least he's wearing the short-short while doing so. Could he be behind this new trend?
"Excuse me, pull over sir."
"What was I doing, officer?"
"I noticed that you're wearing bermuda shorts. Not short-shorts. Were you aware that this is a crime against fashion?"
"Wait a minute! Are you the fashion police?"
"They give us motorcycles now. I'm sorry, for this infraction, I'm going to have to write you out a coupon to Macy's. You'll need to use it within the next 30 days or you'll be fined."
"Um...ok."
My message is clear, male readers. Get to a gym or a sewing machine or a department store, whatever you have to do. I'm on the lookout for the short-shorts on men this coming spring. If I don't see 'em, be assured, I'm sending the guy with the man-bag after you. I wish you a skimpy Christmas!