Mission(s) Impossible

This weekend has been a bit of a rush. As I packed and planned my New York trip, I was also finishing up some Christmas presents and yearning to see the new James Bond movie Casino Royale. Being a little busy and a lot strapped for cash, I opted to stay home and check out the "poor-man's James Bond"—Ethan Hunt. Yes, I rented Mission Impossible III which I watched and re-watched throughout my bustling about. Narrative frame in place, let me present a little segment I like to call "Mission(s) Impossible."

Mission #1: Resisting Philip Seymour Hoffman
Now, passing on this flick a first time was hard going for me 'cause ya'll know how I loves me some Philip Seymour Hoffman. Thankfully, Phil waited for me, and, as the villianous Owen Davian, brought the pain—to Ethan/Cruise, that is—and brought the pleasure—to me. So, I like PSH, and I figure my attraction is safe from a distance. But, since I'm headed to NYC, I should warn Mr. Hoffman of my imminent sexual advances. Phil, if you see me coming, babe, you'd better run away fast before I de-layer. That's right: I'll be lurking at Tea and Sympathy...

Mission #2: Out-acting PSH
Just let me tell you that PSH is such a good actor that he creates more tension counting to ten (literally!) in Mission Impossible III than Cruise does in his entire oeuvre. I love how PSH gets to "be" Ethan via the laughable fake face device. Out-acting Cruise in a supporting role is one thing, but out-acting him as his own character is something else. Kudos, Phil!

Mission #3: Faking It
Speaking of actors, I'm a little worried about meeting Kinya's friends. Jake says that we're having Thanksgiving dinner with some peeps from NYU acting school, and I hope I don't come off like an asshole. When I'm nervous (i.e., awake), I have two modes: silent and offputting. God knows I need to avoid "offputting" at all costs as it's been getting a workout lately. Ok luv, your character is an intelligent, eccentric 30-something from the sticks. Say someting urbane...and ACTION!

Mission #4: Finishing Work and Errands
So, I've been working all weekend, and I'm still not done preparing for my trip. Hangups: Jake and Kinya's phones de-charging; my indecision about what to pack (I don't get to dress up too much here in G'ville); my indecision about how to get into the city—cab? train? bus? rickshaw?; outstanding unpaid bills from the conference. Finally, in a "note-to-self," I'd have to say that, in the future, I should cancel class on travel days. Teaching before traveling is a little ludicrous.

Mission #5: The Metaphorical Ability of the "Terrorists" to "Win"
As I'm packing for the trip, I've learned that new restrictions for flights include toiletry specifications. I'm told that I have to pack them in a "quart-sized see-through Ziploc bag with a toggle." (Perhaps) needless to say, this gives me pause: a) why Ziploc brand? and b) why a toggle? Ever obedient, I went out and bought a box of Ziploc bags only to find to my dismay that I'd bought the holiday-themed bags that have white Christmas trees on them. Curses! Will I enable terrorists by bringing a partially-obscured baggie? Alternately, if I, as a consumer, cannot purchase the baggie of my choice while packing my toiletries in fear, have the terrorists won?

Or...upon further reflection, is this exactly how the terrorists over at Johnson and Co. planned this? Eh!?! Eh, comrade!?! By printing holiday bags, they know full well that I'll buy the wrong kind of the right brand and be forced to...BUY MORE BAGS! I see clearly now how the War on Terrorism has nothing to do with religion or oil and is, indeed, an exercise in brand loyalty. When we look back on history, I feel we will hold the governmental administration blameless in all of this; instead, we'll be cursing Glad, Hefty, and, yes, Ziploc.

Mission #6: Being Completely Happy About Leaving Behind Friends and Family
In going to New York for Thanksgiving, I'm leaving behind the opportunity to play Groo (the game) with Toke and Co., and I'm missing out on what would be my third installment of "Refugee Thanksgiving." This year, I hear that they are planning to screen Slither and possibly Trailer Park Boys. Aieee! Plus, I'll be missing out on family get-togethers as well. To make up for this, I will have to have extra fun while in New York. That and buy crappy trinkets for all my friends and family.

So, missions (not) accomplished, I bid you adieu and "Happy Thanksgiving" (or, if you are so inclined, "Curse Imperialism and Our Celebration of Genocidal Collaboration and Please Pass the Cranberries Anyway"). Violet loves 'ya!