Apparently, There is No One Out There For Me...Thank God!

Browsing through my e-mail, I noticed a message from Cupid.com indicating that men in my area are interested in me. Huzzah! I'm am superpsyched about this because, to the best of my knowledge, my Cupid.com profile is an empty shell (not unlike my dating persona). I set it up to go Speed Dating with the ladies about a year ago. The best thing about Speed Dating? How quickly it's over! That's right—I spent $32 for the empirical evidence I needed to prove that—yes, yes!—I'd rather be single.

But back to my new potential dating pool. Tee-toll-holic* proclaims "im not into the bar seen." Hmm...ya don't seem to be into the grammar or spelling scenes, either. Next! Brain-Ded indicates "I...[enjoy] the simple things in life who [sic] refuses to settle for anything less." Um...so, you won't settle for anything less than the simple things. Like, what are those things? The molecular components of the simple things? Ok, I guess that makes sense; I'm no fan of the molecular sciences anyway. And I like dirt. Moving on...Han-so-Stud says, "What to say? You know what I look like." Sir, you are so right: my approach to dating has been flawed all along! Not only should I 1) stop expecting a potential date to say anything (my bad!), I should also 2) know what he looks like. If I only knew what the heterosexual unmarried men looked like, I'd be much, much more successful in a dating situation.

Close reading accomplished: cattiness achieved. Violet, out.

* Not their real fake names.