Happy [Just] Take Responsibility Day!

Three or so years ago, when I was working in a mom-and-pop publishing company (my "Joe Versus the Volcano job"), I had a boss who used to screw up every order he tried to help out with. Invariably, we'd have orders come in from "important" (i.e., federal) agencies, and he'd have to handle them "personally." This would usually involve something like taking the seal they'd sent us for the book cover, bypassing each department which normally dealt with the seal, creating a cover mock-up himself, then berating us all when the sample cover came out looking like shit. Err, J? You're the one who did that work, not us. If we'd seen the seal in the first place, we could have told you we needed a line drawing, not a jpeg.

Lo and behold, one magical day, after an important order had been thus bungled, finally fixed, and shipped, he came into our department and proclaimed the words that compentent employees everywhere long for their bosses to one day utter: "That was my fault." Streaming sunshine, chirping birds, and a chorus of angels up on high: "THAT was MY FAULT." In celebration of this glorious day, a May 23rd, we christened this day "[J] Takes Responsibility Day." To protect our happiness at this event (and in order not to get fired discussing it), we quickly renamed today "JUST Take Responsibility Day."

To celebrate JTR day, you must take two actions. First, and most reverently, you must own up to the boneheaded mistakes that you have made in the past (especially the past year—since the last JTR day). Put a stapled document through the company shredder which resulted in the loss of a co-worker's eye? "That was my fault," you can meekly acquiesce. Second, you can choose to take further responsibility for things that, while not primarly your fault, contributed to badness of some sort. Kind of like the time I appologized to Candor for getting him back to the office late from our lunch break...because I'd been rear-ended by a Mack truck while returning to the office.

The more things that you appologize for, the more fun this becomes because you get to thinking about the minutae-like, butterfly-effect of even your smallest actions. For my part, here are a few of the things I am sorry for on this, the 5th or 6th annual JTR day:

1. I'm sorry that my blog is keeping you from important work or socializing that you might otherwise be doing. My thoughtful observations are a direct cause of your compromized productivity, and, for this, I appologize.

2. I'm sorry that my shoddy Courtney Love impression has caused you to think that the actual Courtney Love doesn't look half bad. This must be particularly taxing for you.

3. If you used to be my co-worker, I'm sorry to bring up this old job. I hope that the anti-anxiety medicine that you're taking and the post traumatic stress disorder therapy that you're receiving help counterbalance the flashbacks I've caused.

4. If you really like holidays but are particularly materialistic, I appologize for laying out this (admittedly new to you) holiday which doesn't have the requisite party favors to go along with it. I considered creating plates with my former boss's face on them, but, unfortunately, he has patented his face.

5. If you are one of my old students and did not like being asked to formulate your own thoughts and ideas, I sincerely appologize. Knowing what mental stress this caused, I should not have asked you to deviate from espousing public opinion, to grow as a person, or to empower yourself by understanding rhetoric and using it effectively. Again, "my bad."

At any rate, I hope you celebrate and enjoy this day. For those of us willing to take responsibility for our achievements and our faults, every day brings satisfaction. But, as we must live and work with those who do not, Just Take Responsibility Day can bring us sweet, if vengeful, satisfaction. And, for that, I am sincerely sorry!