This Week in Business Syntax Bafflement

Today, I ran across a business name I hadn't yet encountered; the business in question is called "Choose to Cruise." I might not have thought so intently about this name except for the fact that Jolanda had us workshopping a title for her sister's travel firm awhile back. At any rate, I have some reservations (guffaw!) about this business name. In one respect, it carries an implied "instead of" clause—i.e., "Choose to Cruise" instead of sitting at home or "Choose to Cruise" instead of flying, etc. Considering the "instead of" clause makes me think of other options more than it sells me on the cruise itself. Following this line of thinking, I think one can come up with more interesting names: "Cruises Rule!" plays up the actual product and the more combative "Screw Safaris!" denigrates other possible options.

Second, and more distrubing, is the choice of the word "choose" in this name. Are there people out there who are being transported around on boat without their permission? Probably. But, if I'm considering a vacation, I'm not sure that I'd want the spectre of the sex slave or illegal worker trade encroaching on my blissful consumer daydreams. Plus, I'm not the kind of person who will feel better about my elevated class position through such a consideration: "Yeah...I get a choice in the matter. This cruise is so much better because I'm a valuable and protected white American. Mai-tais all around!"

Finally, I think "Choose to Cruise" implies too little backbone on the part of the cruise seller. One gets the impression that there is a second implied message here "...or not, depending on if you really like cruises. It's up to you, really." Have some authority here—you're selling a cruise, dammit! If the customer isn't buying, there are going to be some serious consequences! I humbly submit the more assertive "Cruise...or Else" and "Cruise, or the Dog Gets It." I'm sure the [insert ethnicity here] mafia will be willing to help out. For free passes to all Caribbean ports of call, drinks on the house, and free midnight buffet...

So, yeah, those are my humble suggestions. And, just for the record, I'm currently choosing not to cruise. Too much unregulated raw sewage dumping in the ocean for me, thanks! And pirates. And risk of food poisoning, falling over the edge, or unproscutable rape. But you get the picture (thank you, Dateline).