Top Ten Reasons I Love Being an Academic

10. Keys to the building; "secret code" to the mailroom.
9. Co-workers and family don't necessarily know what "you do" without the hassles of physical and firearms training of the Special Forces, top security clearances of CIA and NSA, or pesky fictional names/histories of the Witness Protection Program.
8. Choice of anonymity in university phonebook—got a "D" in my class and want to egg my car? Tough luck finding me.
7. When writing papers for publication, using words that MS Word doesn't recognize.
6. Free booze at keynote speeches.
5. Ivory Tower not made out of real ivory.
4. Occasional free review books from publishers and guaranteed free desk copies of books I teach in class.
3. Do most of my work in 'jammies specifically purchased for at-home work.
2. Get to make a living formulating and supporting my ideas about stuff I read or movies I watch. Y'know, like my possible article on Zoolander and Melville's "Benito Cereno"?
1. Midnight: you're asleep or watching TV; I'm getting some serious work done.