Brokeback 'Lympics
(subtitled: I can't quit you...or pass you on the straight-away)

Is it just me, or is the competition between speed skaters Shani Davis and Chad Hedrick shaping up in quasi-Brokeback Mountain fashion? On Saturday the 11th, Hedrick won the 5000m, his first individual race. Then, announcements were made for the U. S. team members slated to skate pursuit, a relay race in which Davis (one of the U.S.'s strongest skaters) declined to compete. When asked about Davis's non-participation, Hedrick said he was disappointed but that, "I'm not going to beg Shani to skate with me." Um, Chad..."beg?" You can almost hear his soft entreaty, "Why Shani? After all we've meant to each other?" For his part, Davis maintained that he came to skate the 1500m, not the team pursuit, and that he "didn't care what people thought about him."

Of course, after these two interviews, the media was hooked. Playing up the "tension" between the two, Bob Costas cast Hedrick as the can-do yes-man of the Olympics, willing to sacrifice his legs to the team competition while pegging Davis as the loner, the rebel (at least, we are to infer as much). Costas seemed so caught up in this story I'm surprised he didn't turn down the lights, put out the votive candles, and pour himself a flute of champagne. "Oh yeah, baby, give me your turmoil..."

On Tuesday, the 21st, both skaters competed in the 1500m which Italian Enrico Fabris won (Davis earned the silver and Hedrick took the bronze). After the race, the skaters were treated to the journalistic equivalent of a police-style interrogation: "Are you disappointed about winning the bronze? Uh-huh, and what are your feelings about Shani Davis?" After thirty minutes of hot lights and probing questions, Davis and Hedrick cracked. Davis indicated "Sure, Chad and I are fighting for the same thing. But it would have been kind of nice after I won the 1000m [Davis is the first African-American man ever to win an individual gold medal at the Olympics] if he would have been a good teammate and shook my hand, just like I shook his hand-or hugged him-after he won the 5000m." He then left in a huff, leaving hug-stingy Hedrick stunned. "I felt betrayed," Hedrick stammered, "he wouldn't compete with me in the team pursuit."

So much drama here in speed skating! So much "he said"/"he said!" And the last portion of this (at least) played out in front of a huge banner proclaiming "Passion lives here." Huh-yeah! Clearly, there's passion between these two guys, even if it's only passionate anger. While there's little to suggest that the two were actually romantically involved, in my imagination, their torrid love affair fell apart over Hedrick's preternaturally white teeth. At any rate, I can only counsel Hedrick and Davis to do the right thing: kiss and make-up. Film this reconciliation, and send me the video.