My Recommendation for What to Stick in Your Ear, if, Indeed, You Have Cause to Stick Anything in Your Ear (and, Really, Who Doesn't?)

Over the past few months, I've been sleeping with earplugs so that I can drown out a bit of ambulance/fire truck noise in addition to the ever-present noisy neighbors. In general, I've been buying my earplugs based on color—I started with the flesh colored ones, changed to some purple colored ones, and just bought a bag of green ones. I did this both because it's fun to change colors but also because I end up with a lot of discarded earplug litter under the bed, and the colors give me a timeline for usage [insert "ew" here].

At any rate, I just started on the package of green earplugs, and I was horrified to find that they're shorter than my previous batch. This means that they will both a) shake out easier during my restless tumblings at night and b) increase my chances of having a foam earplug wedged irretrievably into my ear canal in perpetuity. So, it would seem that I have inadvertently become an ear-wad brand whore. That's right, folks—if you require ear-pluggage at any point, I strongly recommend Flents brand foam earplugs (in purple). In fact, I am so enamored of this Flents ear product that, if I were famous, I would endorse them. And not only would I endorse them, but I would pay for the commercial myself. You have no idea, no idea, how tight the earplug industry is...but don't take my word for it—check out Ear Plug Super Store. As a celebrity endorser, though, I daresay I would be the only celebrity earplug shill on the market, and, because I funded the adverts, you could be doubly assured of this product's worthiness.

In conclusion, I'll offer a motto: Flents—they are a little bit longer than other foam earplugs.